How To Care For a Friend After Miscarriage
I believe that friendship is one of the greatest gifts we have. Mine and Jordan’s friends (and family, which we will refer to as friends here!) showed us an immense amount of love and support after going through two miscarriages.
Unfortunately, losing a baby is not as rare as we would hope. If you have a friend going through this difficult time, I pray these ideas will inspire you to care for your friends in their own dark season.
A note: There are a hundred great ways to be a friend. Hopefully, you know your friend well enough to know when they need space or a listening ear or any of the other things listed below. When in doubt, pray and ask God to guide you toward what is best for your friend at this time. If you don’t know them well, a porch drop-off gift or meal is a wonderful place to start.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice [sharing others’ joy], and weep with those who weep [sharing others’ grief].”
These ideas are 100% inspired by the community that supported me, Jordan, and Willow this past year.
Frozen Meals, Food Gift Cards, or Food Delivery - nourishing your friend’s body with warm, healing food is practical and always helpful. Stock their fridge with groceries, deliver a warm bowl of soup (with enough for leftovers!), or send them a gift card digitally so they can order food straight to their door. Setting up a meal train and sharing with close loved ones is helpful to cover many different days of meals.
Childcare - if your friend has a little one, offer to pick them up for a play date! Offering to help while the parents go to doctor appointments is also a generous and helpful gift.
Send a cozy gift - warm socks, tea, coffee, a hot water bottle, a blanket, a salt bath soak, a candle, a journal… these gifts may seem small but will be helpful while your friends are healing and staying at home.
Flowers and plants - both signs of life and hope that bring warmth to a home or bedside table.
Every Moment Holy Volume II- Every Moment Holy is a guided prayer book that has a few different volumes centered around varying topics and focused on liturgies for everyday life. The second volume focuses on grief and loss. It was a needed companion for me when I didn’t feel like I had words to pray on my own.
Nights for crying - Something that personally touched me and Jordan was seeing the pain and heartache that our loss brought to our close friends. Losing a baby affects more than just the family walking through grief and having moments where friends sat and cried with us felt burden-lifting and made me aware of God’s presence in every moment of life.
Nights for having fun - Nights that feel “normal” and light are also a gift when walking through grief. Whether it’s a night to laugh, play games, or sit and have a homecooked meal…grief is often when we want to isolate but I think God gave us the gift of friendship to make the difficult moments of life lighter. Ask your friend what they need. Do they need a night of fun? Crying? Perhaps they need both!
A necklace or jewelry - Whether it is initials, a name, or a symbol etched into a necklace, something timeless to create a memory for a baby is a beautiful gift to give to a mom. Made by Mary and GOLDN are two beautiful sources for special jewelry.
Something special on the baby’s due date - Waves of grief come and go, and one big wave can be the baby’s due date. Write this down in your calendar, and on the due date plan to drop off a note or small gift for your friends.
Don’t forget to support the Dad - checking in on Dad is just as important during this tough time!
